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The Grinning Sadist About these reviews Hi. I'm Shawn, and I am the creator of this site. I would like to use this space to clear up any misconceptions or questions that you, my fine readers, may have coming into this assortment of reviews.

First, you may wonder why I have so goddamned many albums with merely the annoying "Review forthcoming" listed beneath them. The reason is that this site is maintained in my spare time, and unfortunately, spare time is minimal these days. But I'm working on throwing together more reviews without sacrificing my standards for them. In short, I have many albums and little time to write. So if you see an album on my site, I own it, and I haven't gotten around to reviewing it just yet. But if you're dying to read my take on a particular tome, just let me know. Reader requests get bumped to the top of my reviewing list. And if there's a CD that you would like me to review, and you don't see it listed, it means that I don't own it. Since I don't get advanced promotional copies from the record companies, it means that I have to buy all my stuff. Or, as is often the case, nice readers, such as yourselves, send me tapes and CDRs of albums they would like to see on my site. If you are feeling generous or want to spread the word - in my words - of a favorite album, please let me know. I'll be more than happy to supply my address to people who wish to ship me free shit.

Second, I grade albums like I grade student's papers, which is inevitable, since I've spent the last two years as a graduate teaching assistant in English at the University of Oklahoma. So if you're unsure of the American grading system, here's your cheat sheet:

A = Excellent - Kill, maim and destroy to own this.
B = Above average - While knocking someone off for this release would be a bit excessive, breaking a few legs isn't entirely out of the question.
C = Average - A few sharp glares and meaningful threats will be adequate for the person who chooses to play these CDs a few too many times in your presence.
D = Below Average - line these bitches up for a good, old fashioned cd burning; just be sure to torch a few of the Bible thumpers who advocate the same treatment for good CDs in the process.
F = Failure - Killing people who praise albums of this nature - not to mention the boneheads who recorded them - may be beneficial for the metal gene pool.

Third, I realize that my reviews aren't perfect. Often unfocused. Sure, I tend to ramble and digress to a great extent, and sometimes that annoying academic side comes popping out at the most inopportune times. At other times, it appears that I am more interested in eliciting laughter than digging into the subtle intricacies an album has to offer. So be it. While my reviews more often than not fail to fit into some prefabricated mold, I enjoy writing them. And that's the bottom line, for me to continue to have a good time. So don't expect any sort of song-by-song breakdown. And don't hold your breath for me to clutter up a review with an overabundance of adjectives, or especially retarded similes and metaphors that tend to sound too contrived and embarrassingly ridiculous.

Finally, this goes without saying, but it must be said. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I, like every single other critic who spends her or his time creating reviews such as these, am biased, with my own likes and dislikes. So if you feel as if I do not understand the unique subtleties and underlying genius that makes the vast majority of Black Metal, well, Black Metal, then you're probably right. (How can anyone not laugh at those band photos. Must they all look as if they're taking a monster shit as their pictures are snapped?) So even if I am a bit off base at times, hopefully you'll get a chuckle at my ignorance and at whatever I write.

That being said, enjoy. And please take a moment to sign my guestbook. I like to hear feedback - both positive and negative - and I like to make friends who share an interest in metal. "So won't you be, please won't you be . . . "